doubt

I don't know what has gotten into to me...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 23:11:44 +0700

I don’t know what happened, I was just watching movies, two movies, to be precise. The first movie made me cry. I am sure it was because of the very explicit lines from some scenes in it. The second one, it was more like a compilation movie, which, you know, the kind of several movies being put together in one umbrella theme. I am not sure what makes me sad, made me really sad. Suddenly, I found my self burst into tears, like, really crying heavily. I remember the scene was when there was a couple of grandma and grandpa, they were walking together to the beach, just to celebrate their 63rd anniversary in silence. What the hell happened to me? I am still finding myself crying now, I couldn’t even put it into words, why? why?

I remember the last time I was being like this. It was 2 years ago, when I was kinda trapped in such a busy schedule, very busy schedule, and I got such a big responsibility, that was during the time I was appointed to be the head of our department’s annual event. I remember I was very frustrated at that time. All the crews that I had, they weren’t doing what they supposed to do, or at least what I told them to do. It was the time when I felt like I could not go on and handle this event, it was the time when I got trapped in that event’s preparation and piling school works at the same time. I remember that day, I just got back from one of the event’s meetings, I got home, but I could not go off of my car. Suddenly, I felt my cheeks getting wet, and there, I was crying heavily. I even called my mom, I told her I could not stand to be here in this city, I wanna go wherever I can, wherever except this city. I remember I said to her that I don’t wanna meet anybody, not even my closest friends, though I barely remember the reasons why. Long story short, I took some times off. I flew to Jakarta, and I did nothing there but stayed at home.

Recalling that bad memory, I still cannot figure out why I am crying insanely now. I don’t know what feeling this is, I don’t know what happened out there, whether this is a sign or something else. I am trying to stop for almost 30 minutes now, but I still cannot stop. Help, I think I need help. But I don’t even know who to call, as I cannot explain to anyone what I am feeling right now. I don’t know whether this is a form of depression that I am going through now, or is it because I am exhausted? I don’t even know what makes me exhausted if this is really because I am exhausted.

I guess I am just screwed. I cannot help myself.

thecakebar: this is soooooooooooooooo...

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 00:03:03 +0700

thecakebar:

this is soooooooooooooooo awesome

goodstuffhappenedtoday:

Panera Cares Lets Customers Set The Price

Panera Bread, the nationwide restaurant chain, has opened a new “pay-what-you-can” cafe in downtown Boston, called Panera Cares.

The concept is simple: diners pay what they can afford. So if a meal normally costs $5.00, the customer can pay that price, a little more, or a little less.

Store ambassadors greet customers when they come in to explain how things work, but it can be a little confusing.

“I don’t even know what’s going on. I’m just hungry,” a befuddled customer named Javier said.

Here’s how it works: customers order their food, just like at a regular Panera, but then the cashier tells them the suggested price. Customers can decide how much to pay, and either put their money in a donation box, or tell the cashier how much to charge their credit card.

The Panera Bread Foundation has four other Panera Cares locations in St. Louis, Detroit, Portland, Oregon and Chicago, and the founder Ron Shaich says the system works because the people who can afford to pay more, often do.

“All they have is a responsibility to do the right thing. And you know what’s amazing? So many people do,” Shaich said.

The breakdown of what people pay is about 60-20-20: 60 percent of people pay the suggested price, 20 percent pay less, 20 percent pay more.

Since opening in January, the Panera Cares in Boston has been taking in slightly more than that national average.

Food Insecurity

Panera officials say the chain already donates about $100 million in food and cash a year. But Shaich wanted to become more involved in the issue of food insecurity – the 50 million Americans and one in four children who don’t know where their next meal is coming from.

“This isn’t an issue of simply of homelessness,” Shaich said. “Twenty-five percent of people with food insecurity actually own their own homes, 24 percent are college grads. It’s endemic when you have a country that is 8 to 9 percent unemployment.”

It’s a job requirement that all of the employees at the Boston Panera Cares location understand the issue.

“We’ve all experienced food insecurity one way or another, either personally or we know someone is experiencing it,” said cashier Yetunde Bankole.

Panera Cares workers are also trained to deal with a population that is in need.

can you tell me why

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 23:49:00 +0700

can you tell me why I feel like blaming myself for the past three weeks where there’s a wise saying “don’t be afraid to fall apart, because then you can build yourself up again the way you want it to be”? indeed, I am falling apart. indeed, I am not strong enough. indeed, I am still living my life as it is, because I simply don’t know what I want or what I am good at.

maybe

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 23:15:36 +0700

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, destiny is just a word created by a humanbeing who was righting what supposed to be wrong and this humanbeing was just trying to accept it? Or was it me talking nonsense?

The Hardest Part

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 22:22:18 +0700

Ever wonder how you suddenly can hit your low? That’s a hard part.

Ever wonder how you have to change your attitude? That’s the worse part.

Ever wonder how you cannot stand up and still let yourself feel depressed? that’s the worst part.

But have you ever wonder why such things can make you very depressed and lost all what you have been thought of? that’s the hardest part, even worse than the worst.

What the hell am I talking about? I’m not entirely sure. I just feel like I lost my direction and I lost my confidence. I just got lost and trapped inside this sad and lonliness. I got left behind, so far from the others. Meanwhile I knew myself very well, that I should have been better than this. But I don’t know why all of sudden, I just lost everything. This is the hardest part. To begin a new one or to continue the path, which probably the wrong path. Either way, I knew that I’m not strong enough or brave enough to face this fear.

I hate myself.

thecakebar: This lovely person found this tutorial I posted for...

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 22:42:16 +0700

thecakebar:

This lovely person found this tutorial I posted for a heart shaped pie crust and she did THE MOST AMAZING JOB EVER!

Do you agree?!?!?!

I’ll make this one for you someday :)

THIS!

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 22:40:10 +0700

THIS!

If I could take away the painAnd put a smile on your...

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 23:21:08 +0700

If I could take away the pain
And put a smile on your face,
Baby, I would, baby, I would
If I could make a better way,
So you could see a better day,
Baby, I would, baby, I would.

Yeah, it’s not about what I want
It’s all about what you need.
I know that she hurt you,
But that wasn’t me
And I know, and I know sometimes it’s hard to see
That I’m where you need to be

“But I can’t spell it out for you No, it’s...

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 14:00:00 +0700

“But I can’t spell it out for you

No, it’s never gonna be that simple

If you just realize what I just realized

Then we’d be perfect for each other”

We’d never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.

May be it’ll take days, weeks, or months so that you realized that I have a faith in you.

This is my favorite part of this song: “Have you ever...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 22:20:32 +0700

This is my favorite part of this song:

“Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?”

A few hours later, I was still sat down in front of the tv and I felt gloomy, because I was thinking about this one-sided love story I’ve been having for almost a year now. Then… the mighty ChannelV was kinda understood me, I’m guessing it was another “conspiracy”, so that suddenly this song came up. Then I watched it, I really paid attention to it, and I realized that this is what exactly happened on the past few days between us.

Thank You God, thank you universe, for understood me in every way that he will never understood.

“Where there is desireThere is gonna be a flameWhere there...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 22:06:10 +0700

“Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone’s bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die
You’ve gotta get up and try, and try, and try
Gotta get up and try, and try, and try
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try”

Just when I was about to give up this afternoon, the playlist played this song. Now, I even more sure about the so-called “universe conspiracy” or as I may say “God’s conspiracy”. First, my playlist played Skyscraper by Demi Lovato, then next thing I heard was this P!nk’s song. I guess I was just destined to GET UP AND TRY, AND TRY, AND TRY.

Video

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 13:57:05 +0700

10 reasons why I read too much into it.

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 00:51:18 +0700

10. Because we had a lot of fun.

9. Because we can talk about anything.

8. Because we always end up having different opinions.

7. Because I thought you were just like me.

6. Because we were on the same page when we talked about love.

5. Because I can’t help to see you miserable.

4. Because I can’t resist to not talking to you.

3. Because we watched the same series, and always end up laughing about them.

2. Because I do really like romance, and you seems to like it too.

1. And at the very least is because I can’t read you, or where this is heading to.

Baby you’re so beautiful,and when i’m near you,i...

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 22:49:53 +0700

Baby you’re so beautiful,
and when i’m near you,
i can’t breathe,(i can’t breathe)
A girl like you gets what she wants,
when she wants it,
You’re so out of my league,
(out my league)
I show you no emotion,
Don’t let you see,
what you’re doin’ to me,
(that’s what you seeing baby)
I imagine the two of us together,
but i’ve been living in reality,

Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
But time is running out,
so damn my foolish pride,

I don’t care if you think i’m crazy,
(crazy)
It doesn’t matter if it turns out bad,
(i don’t care)
I’ve got no fear of losing you,
You can’t lose what you never had,

Now i’m gonna confess,
that i love you, (love you)
I’ve been keeping it inside,
(inside),
feelin i could die,
But if you turn away,
baby that’s O.K.,
At least we had a moment,
before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,

Rules are made for breaking,
(breaking)
Nothing ventured nothing gained,
I’ll be no worse off,
then i am right now,
and i might never get that chance again,
baby,

Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
Told my heart i didn’t want you,
but i lied,

I don’t care if you think i’m crazy,
(i’m crazy)
It doesn’t matter if it turns out bad,
(doesn’t matter if it turns out bad)
I’ve got no fear of losing you,
You can’t lose what you never had,
(yeah)

Now i’m gonna confess that i love you,
(i love you)
I’ve been keeping it inside,(inside)
feelin i could die,(i could die)
But if you turn away,
baby that’s O.K,
At least we’ll have a moment before,
you say good-bye,(before you say goodbye)

Here on the outside looking in,
Don’t wanna stay dreaming bout,
what could have been,
Need to hear you speak my name,
even if you shoot me down in flames,

I don’t care if you think i’m crazy,
(i ‘m crazy baby)
It doesn’t matter if it turns out bad,
(if it turns out bad)
I’ve got no fear of losing you,
You can’t lose what you never had,

Now i’m gonna confess that i love you,
(that i love you girl)
I’ve been keepin it inside,
feelin i could die,(die)
But if you turn away,
baby that’s O.K,
At least we have a moment before,
you say good-bye,

You can’t loose what you never had,
You can’t loose what you never had,
You can’t loose what you never had……

———————————————————————————————————————-

Guess it’s right, I can’t lose what I never had :)

LOVE the idea!! <3 the-absolute-best-posts: Via/Follow The...

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 18:19:42 +0700

LOVE the idea!! <3

the-absolute-best-posts:

Via/Follow The Absolute Greatest Posts…ever.

I'd rather be judged by my best friends instead of by strangers.

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 18:08:51 +0700

Don’t you think so? At the very least, best friends are the ones that I allowed to give me the harsh truths. Because I do know, their judgement is based on the fact that they care, not because they wanted simply to say bad things about you. Hence, I don’t think the phrase “best friends never judge, best friends understand” is right. Because I’d be furious when someone who doesn’t even know me is judging me. Don’t you think so?

"Beauty gets the attention, but personality gets the heart."

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 17:40:49 +0700

Can someone show me that this phrase is true in real life?

You know what I want?

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 16:35:35 +0700

I want a guy that can make me laugh when he’s doing silly things just to make me laugh.

I want a guy that can laugh together with me whenever we watch Cougar Town or Modern Family.

But I also want a guy that can man up every time he got problem, and every time I got problem.

I want a guy that basically can read my mind and feelings and emotions… so that I don’t have to tell him what I’m thinking or feeling, and he’ll take care of me.

oh what are these blah blah…, I just want a guy that is taking a ~~very good~~ great care of me.

"To know that somebody is out there and caring for you, is the biggest thing that I should Thank God..."

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 16:32:29 +0700

“To know that somebody is out there and caring for you, is the biggest thing that I should Thank God today.”

"Losing him was blue like I’d never known. Missing him was dark grey all alone. Forgetting him..."

Sat, 24 Nov 2012 15:25:06 +0700

“Losing him was blue like I’d never known. Missing him was dark grey all alone. Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met. But loving him was red…”

- Red - Taylor Swift