Who am I to judge?
If being a good friend isn’t enough, then what else should I do? I ain’t good in playing any roles. I am judging myself as conservative but still considerate. But when it comes to things that beyond my limit and those things affect a life of any of my friends, especially the closest ones, I can became such a pain in the ass. I can be very critical if this stage happened. I can be very judgemental if this stage happened. One more thing, I can be very protective if this stage happened. It’s especially when those people that I care about, didn’t count on or not even pay any attention to what I said.
But who am I to judge? People is technically a human being who doesn’t want to be ruled by others, at least that’s what realists say.
But who am I to judge? I am only a friend, who should stay away from another friend’s business. I should mind my own business, even though for several reasons (and believe me, those are very good reasons!), I do judge that these business are beyond my limit and I can’t stand being the audience of the drama they have. I always feel like to say what I need to say and just confront.
But then, who am I? They will never listen to anyone who absolutely has no idea about what they’ve been going through. I absolutely have no idea. So, if anyone ever said bestfriend never judges, best friend understands, then I think I’m way too far from the criteria. But the idea of this is because I care about my friends more than anything, somehow I even put them first and my family being the second. This time, I learned a lot. This time, I knew I should’ve just be concerned about myself, my family, and my best friends. Most of people may not understand of what I just said, most of them will judge me back because I mind other people’s business, a joy-killer, or something like that. But I will put a smile on my face and straight up my chin, and tell them that whatever they do, I will always care, it’s just we have different ways of taking care of each other.
I may not be very fun to be with, I’m not that easy to be with, but it’s very easy to me to put a lot of attention to my friends so that they won’t do anything stupid, or at least, stupid in my own perspective. I’m just trying to be a very good friend and this my way, but most of people (again) may think that what I’m doing here is beyond a friend’s limit. Whatever. I’m just gonna stand in my own way, and when they understand, that’s the turning point for a new stage: being best friends.
Anndddd…I guess I just being too mellow dramatic. The moon is shining very brightly tonight and I can’t help but being such a silly-melancholic.
answers from Itang & Kiko
continuing my previous post, as I already made promise to always keep every answer I got posted, so here comes the first batch…
another best friend of mine, Kiko, she said a few words about defining whether someone has friendzoned you or not:
“it’s obviously when you’re having conversation with him/her and suddenly he/she spoiled everything about his/her love-life stories… dang! you’re being friendzoned!”
and another best friend of mine, I also had mentioned him in my previous post, Itang, he said you’ll know that he/she is friendzoning you when:
“you only talk about general things, sometimes everyday life, but that’s it. nothing more. if he/she interested in you, he/she should ask more about personal things. and if that conversation never happened… yeah, you’re definitely being friendzoned!”
well… that’s pretty much of what I just learned from these two best friends of mine. Do you have something more to add? please share and let me know :)
until then, to be continued…
Inspired by this Train’s song from the very first, I have several thoughts that I’d like to share to anyone who might read this.
1. How can we sure that a guy/girl really fall for each other without having to experience such thing as misunderstanding? (if you know what I mean, like… “I thought you didn’t like me” thought, or “I thought you only thought that we’re better being friends” kind of thing, or something like that)
I always think that (this thought may refers to my previous slash reblogged post) pride is above all. Pride is a value that a girl should put on the very first place. Because as for me, to have pride means respecting myself. Well, I can’t explain it very clearly here, but in general, I always wanted to hold on to this pride issue I have but also wanted to not thinking about it at the same time. Complicated, huh? Anyway, this pride issue is one of the among barriers of starting a new relationship. I’m not sure if it’s for everyone or it’s just me, thinking way too much about it. But still, how can a girl say “it” first to a guy that she likes? (“it” refers to the intention of being together slash the interest slash the l-o-v-e word) Is it only the value that I have or everyone also have the same thought? Then.. these unanswered questions lead to… another question.
2. If these couple a girl & a guy (who are actually falling for each other) can’t tell each other from the very first about how they actually feel… there supposed to be misunderstanding about either one of them “befriendzoned” to another one, right? then, the real question is, how can we define the feeling of being friendzoned by him/her?
I don’t know if you got my point, but all I’m wondering about is the friendzone itself. It’s like… each of them can somehow got this “clue”, somehow he/she can accept the “clue” and they can ended up being just friends, but somehow he/she can live in denial, where he/she can’t accept the “clue”, and only God knows how they both can ended up, you know what I mean? So, seriously, I’ve been discussing this with some of my closest friends (Amanda, Fadhel, & Itang), but still, this question remains unanswered: how can we define the friendzone?
I think I’ll keep asking to people whenever I got the chance, until I got the most satisfying answer. But don’t you worry, because I promise I will keep the answers posted so you can also get the most satisfying answer in your own version. Until the next post then, xoxo.
The more I wonder
The more I question myself, am I worth for anyone that is obviously better than I expected? The more I know, the more I wonder is anyone ever wanted to get to know me more than myself? The more I ask, do I get more respect? The more I answer, do I get more problem? The more I suffer, will they treat me more than I can handle? The more I wanna know, does anyone get more annoyed? The more I think, this feeling should lead me to somewhere obvious, it has to. Is it obvious? Or do I get confused? The more I rule, does anyone get better treatment? The more I give, is it just a feeling or is it just me who get lost?
Out of four women characters in sex and the city series…
Probably I am the Charlotte-type one. In this great tv series, she is always the one that planned her future well. She is the kindest, yet the most conservative among her friends. She is always looking for the man that will be her true love, with maximum requirements, like the Ivy League’s bachelor, the family man, the commitment man, and et cetera, any men that look like her, in the positive and perfect way. The thing is, once she got a great sex life with a man, she will always consider that they both are dating each other, and her love will grow as high as her expectation to have a life together in the future.
Well, in my case, I ain’t talking about my sex life, which as you know, people may be considered me as a girl who doesn’t have such thing as the so-called sex life (“hey,it’s the Eastern culture!”, if I may rebuttal), but I’m talking about the conservative, very well-planned, and high expectations girl. You know why? Because I tend to have such kind of “mission” to be happy for the rest of my life with, of course, The Man of my life, someday. So this tendency of mine is somehow always driving me crazy, if I may say, because then after some long talks and great laughs, I will always trying to picture any guys to be my future. And you know what’s not good about this? It’ll make me such a freak, who happened to always think about him, and trying my best to fit his picture in my entire well-planned future that probably I already built it since I was 6. Crazy, huh? I might look like I don’t do such commitment thing, but deep down inside, I got it all pictured very well in my mind so that at some point, what I did is always pulling myself away from the guy that I thought to be the ‘you-can’t-be-my-future’ one. May be, this is sickness. May be, I’m somewhat head-over-heels to even have a date or can’t be settled with the one that liked me so much in the past, because of this. Is it the perfection and the ‘I-only-want-the-one-that-will-fit-into-my-future-life’ that drove me all the way to the ‘20 and single’ phase? Is there any ways to make my life normal and as simple as everyone else?
